Conforming to Belong: LGBTQ+ Inclusion at Work

Originally posted on ProgressiveDiscoveries.com

It’s Pride Month. In honor of all of those who’ve struggled to come out, show up, show out, live their truth, and be their uncompromising selves outside and inside of work, this volume is for you. And for me.

This Is My Story

Friends who’ve known me for years might define me as a person who is “too many things,” but if you’ve only known me in a work setting, that label may not be applicable. Throughout the course of an extensive leadership and consulting career, I’ve selectively picked and chosen how much of myself was safe to share. In some instances, my more obvious identity markers were used as strikes against me: I’m female, I’m black, I’m outspoken, I’m a leader. These same attributes served me well in other work environments, where the people with whom I worked respected and saw my “gifts differing” (as Isabel Briggs Myers observes) as a strategic and operational advantage for the business.

Unfortunately, not everyone saw me in this light. In fact, I found myself doing quite a bit of code-switching in those work environments where it was clear that assimilation was the norm and “cultural fit” was code for homogeneity. My modus operandi in those environments was about survival; I didn’t share more of myself than what was obvious, and suppressed as much of that as I could to avoid those stereotypical monikers reserved especially for black women: “bossy,” “loud,” “angry,” and the modern-day sub for “uppity” — “bougie.” I dipped and dodged these inaccurate and offensive labels like it was my job (and it was), but some people still found a way to stick them to me.

It will come as no surprise, then, that in most work environments, I avoided ever volunteering another fundamental personal distinction that contributes to my differing gifts. Being a member of the LGBTQ+ community is as natural to me as my gender and honorable heritage as a black woman. I am proudly lesbian, queer, AND gay. Unashamedly so. But in many work environments, I NEVER volunteered this substantial identity marker.

Simply put, I didn’t feel safe, nor did I trust that sharing this aspect of myself would create more acceptance and a greater sense of belonging at work. I feared that the opposite would be true. And in a few cases, I was proven right. In fact, I once held a senior position with a very well-known media company. I was proud to have landed the job at a relatively young age and was thrilled with how well it was going… until I made the mistake of telling a male colleague about my girlfriend at the time after being asked, “now, tell me all about your life!” What followed, over time, was a series of subtle homophobic comments, outright exclusion from important meetings, and the eventual deterioration of that job.

At work, I became quite adept at making it safe for others to talk about their personal lives so I wouldn’t have to talk as much about mine. Although I avoided volunteering personal information, I never played the unfortunately popular “change the pronoun” game that so many members of the LGBTQ+ community still find themselves having to play. If someone asked a direct question about my personal life, I’d give a direct and truthful answer.

Learned from Listening

We work with for-profit and not-for-profit companies in various industries and spend a good deal of time having conversations that matter with employees from the C-Suite to the front lines. I’m often saddened and surprised to hear stories very similar to mine from employees of all genders, races and ages about their fear of sharing their full identities as members of the LGBTQ+ or other identity groups at work.

Even in companies that have explicitly stated their support for DEI-B and desire to be inclusive work environments where all people can thrive, there are individuals who feel uncomfortable, afraid or unsafe about sharing their personal truths, no matter what they are or from which communities they belong. This may be surprising to some, with current work trends encouraging people to “bring your full self to work.” The reality is that for certain people, being fully self-expressed at work can be uncertain, or even risky.

You may wonder why this is the case. We’ve had employees at all levels report that there is often a disconnect between the company’s stated inclusion and belonging values, (if they are, in fact, stated) and the ways in which people actually behave. It is not unusual for individuals to anecdotally report exclusion from activities inside and outside of work.

So What, Now What?

While we can’t attest to all the reasons some employees feel they don’t belong, we know that when people feel excluded, for any reason, there are detrimental consequences to the business, to the company’s culture and to individuals. In fact, research supports this assertion.

The Value of Belonging at Work, a 2019 Harvard Business Review article, discusses not only the value of belonging as a “fundamental human need,” but also the tangible, financial value of work environments that foster belonging: “High belonging was linked to a whopping 56% increase in job performance, a 50% drop in turnover risk, and a 75% reduction in sick days,” to name a few. Our qualitative research at Progressive Discoveries underscores these consequences, as many individuals have reported that their feelings of exclusion have created a desire to leave their organization.

Financial value notwithstanding, forced conformity can create divisive work cultures. As reported in the August 2020 Psychology Today article, Being Yourself at Work: Choosing Belonging Over Fitting In, “Groups with narrow and tightly enforced norms create a fitting-in culture. There are often unwritten rules regarding belief structures and agreements on who the ‘good people’ are and who to watch out for.” As someone who has been one of the “good people” in certain work environments and one “to watch out for” in others, I have the lived experience of knowing how fitting-in cultures ultimately “work” to everyone’s disadvantage.

Belonging is a condition that should permeate any inclusive company’s work culture. What is the state of belonging at your company? How do you know? If you’re not sure, it’s time to start those conversations that matter with the leaders and employees who make it happen for you each and every day. Once you know where employees are and what they’re experiencing, you’re positioned to address the systems, processes and practices that block the benefits of an equitable, diverse and inclusive work environment where people aren’t forced to conform in order to belong.

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging (DEI-B) are paving the way to the future of business. Where are you on the road?

Let’s talk about it. We’ll keep this conversation going and will share what we’re learning, each and every day, from listening. What are you learning? Please like and share!

Yours In Service,

Janet Williams

CEO/Founder Progressive Discoveries